Defying the Laws of Nature
by Killjoy Whatsername
Summary: Learning about population in school can give you the weirdest yaoi fanfiction ideas. Drabble-ish. Some RoChu reference and mpreg.
1. Chapter 1: China is Not a Chick

**I absolutely hate mpreg fanfics, so don't troll on this thing. Why did I write it? Let's just say we're learning about population in social studies and my teacher unintentionally gave me yaoi fanfiction ideas.**

**Disclaimer: Is this historically canon? No. That means I don't own Hetalia.**

Yao sat in the waiting room impatiently. He was afraid of what the results would be, although that didn't make much sense, since he was supposedly immortal. He just couldn't settle down, and then the sickness hit him again. Right when he was about to stand up and find a restroom, the doctor stepped out of the white door and Yao's face lit up with an emotion that he couldn't seem to understand. Hope? Relief? Or just plain confusion? Either way, he was glad that the doctor finally showed up.

"Do you have the results, aru?" he asked desperately.

"Yes. And it appears that you're perfectly healthy." the doctor replied.

"Then why was I feeling sick for the past month, aru?" Yao was even more confused.

The doctor paused for a second until she smiled then told Yao "Well, all I have to say is: Congratulations Ms. Wang!"

"Aiyah! That's impossible, aru! You do realize that I'm a _man_, aru?" Yao completely freaked out yet the doctor stayed calm and kept smiling.

"Which is why I'm congratulating you for the second time." she announced, "You have defied the laws of nature!"

Yao wanted to faint, but he just couldn't. If only someone was there with him, at least to tell him that everything would be okay. Sadly, he was alone at the moment, which meant that nobody would help him deal with the many questions that suddenly flooded his mind.

How did it happen? How was he going to tell Ivan? How was his boss going to react? Should he keep it, or kill it? How would he avoid Elizabeta and her cameras? What would he do with Ivan's psychotic sister? Who would pay for child support? How would he convince Alfred to keep his mouth shut? And most importanly, _where would it come out?_

** Should I continue writing? I won't unless I get reviews.**


	2. Chapter 2: Population Issues

**A/N: This is kind of a prequel to the first chapter. Basically, it's a RoChu version of Belarus' little scene with Russia.**

_China has a restrictive population policy. Russia has an expansive population policy. Now what?_

"Aiyah! Already, aru?" Yao exclaimed right after he glanced at his calendar.

It was September 12.

"I need to hide before Russia finds me, aru." he thought.

It was already that day. That day when Ivan would go hunt him down, and ask him that question. The question that got Yao running away as soon as he heard it. And so, Yao had to avoid him as much as possible, at least on that day. He locked his doors, closed his windows, and as childish as it may be for him, he hid under a table.

"Yao-yao~!" he heard a voice call.

Then there was a knock on his door, which he didn't answer. The knocking got louder, with so much force put into it, that the _ba gua_ above the door shook a little.

"China! I know you're in there!" the voice sounded so innocent, yet so frightening.

"Go away, aru!" Yao shrieked in fear.

He immediately clamped his hand over his mouth, now Ivan knew that someone was home. Yao heard the voice again, only less muffled than the last time.

"There you are, China. You look so silly. Why are you hiding under a table, да?" Ivan was smiling as usual, his head was sticking into one of the windows that Yao had forgotten to close.

"Aiyah! Go away aru! Go away!" Yao screamed at the top of his lungs, with tears in his eyes.

"Да? There's nothing to be afraid of. It's just me." Ivan said through the window. "Now, China, will you become one with me and help increase my population?"

"But I'm overpopulated, aru." Yao said in reply.

"And I need a higher population, so just say 'да' and get this over with." the other nation said with a slasher smile.

"N-no way, aru!"

**A/N: FYI, a ba gua is an octagonal Chinese ornament thing that brings good luck. I'm not really sure, google it. If you think that by becoming one with Yao, Ivan's population would increase because of Yao's high population, then your idea doesn't have anything to do with "September 12." If you know, go and review. It's just a little something I learned in social studies...so...**

**No flames allowed in the review section.**


	3. Chapter 3: Dear Yao, Stop PMSing!

**A/N: How is this one of my most popular stories when it's meant to be some kind of trollfic! This thing is made to make fun of mpreg, like the stories out there that points out the qualities of a Mary Sue. Anyway, I keep learning new things in school that I can relate to Hetalia, which I don't own, but I can't write about every single one of them. **

**If you haven't figured out what September 12 is, it has nothing to do with international relations. Google "September 12 Russia" and it's the first thing that shows up.**

"Aniki!" Yong Soo ran up to his brother and started to grope him.

"Leave me alone aru! Why do you have to do this every time! Every time! After all I have done for you aru! You repay me by trying to invade my nonexistent vital regions!" Yao bawled, leaving Yong Soo confused.

"Did I do something wrong, daze?"

"Something wrong! Of course you did something wrong! Get a life aru!" he furiously screamed His confused brother.

"Umm, Aniki..." Yong Soo slowly raised his hand as he trembled.

"Did that make you feel bad? I'm so sorry aru! I didn't mean to hurt Korea-chan's feelings aru!" Yao squeezed the Korean in an apologetic hug and rubbed his cheek against his.

"Are you alright, daze?"

"Leave me alone aru!" he started crying again.

Yong Soo did the smart thing and walked away.

"That's it I had enough aru," Yao thought, "I need to kill it. After all, I am overpopulated."

"I won't let you," Ivan sneaked up to him and whispered into his ear.

"Aiyah! What do you think you're doing aru?" Yao exclaimed.

Ivan picked him up and carried him away, bridal style.

"Put me down aru! Put me down!" Yao kicked and screamed.

"China, do me a favor and stop being so hormonal once we get to my place."


	4. Chapter 4: Sixth Wife is Insane

A/N: I still don't get why people are reading this crack trollfic. Anyway, here's a little (effortless) update. **_Please read the Author's note below the story if you want this thing to continue_**. This is one of my last updates and I'm only updating because of your reviews, so thanks for reviewing.

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><p>"Thank you for coming, Amerika. So, we are going to discuss your plans for going into space, da?"<p>

"Yeah-" Alfred was cut off by a loud pounding noise coming from a nearby wall. He shifted on the couch a little and suspiciously asked "Dude, what is that?"

"Oh, that sound?" Ivan pointed at the wall behind him.

The banging got louder and a painting of sunflowers began to shake.

"You're not torturing anyone, are you?" Alfred glared at him.

"Of course not. That's just my sixth wife, self inflicting brain damage by pounding head on wall," Ivan replied with an innocent smile.

"Wait. You have _six_ wives? And they're all as psycho as you are?" the American exclaimed.

"I '_had_', not '_have_'. I killed other five."

The man across Alfred just stared at him, being the usual creeper he was, until a door was kicked open. Yao bolted out of the room and started complaining to Ivan about...complete nonsense. Maybe pounding his head against the wall did cause significant brain damage.

"Ivan, you need to help me aru. Your basement is infested with radioactive pandas!" Yao grabbed Ivan by his shoulders as his left eye twitched. Both his eyes had dark circles around them and there were bruises on his forehead.

"But I don't have a basement. Ah, I'm sorry, Amerika. Sixth wife has been...a little... mentally unstable lately," Ivan tried to explain to his visitor as he coaxed Yao to take a seat.

"Why me...of all people aru?" Yao covered his face with his hands and almost fake sobbed. If that was possible.

"And...also emotionally unstable,"

Alfred cringed a bit and yelled "Hold on. _China_ is your sixth wife? What have you done to him? He totally lost it!"

"Don't be so loud aru! Everyone else will hear!" Yao sounded like a conspiracy theorist running around the street, his eye still twitching. It's not like South Korea or, even worse, Hungary could hear them many countries away.

"And what have you been telling him aru? I'm not your wife! You never even had any 'wives' in the first place!" Yao raised his voice, irritated.

"Well, would you like to be the _first_ one, da?" Ivan had an innocent smile and a purple aura as he stared into Yao's eyes, in the verge of insanity.

"Are we going to talk about space or not?" Alfred tried to remind the other two about the purpose of the meeting.

"Look what you did, Yao-yao. You mentally scarred him," Ivan said with a grin.

"It's nothing," Alfred shrugged, "I was raised by France for a while so he already did the job many years ago."

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><p><strong>Important Author's Note for Those Who Want This Story to Continue:<strong>

I didn't want to be the person who does this but...

This is now going to be some collab fic/round robin.

I'm going to stop updating this story, however, you- the readers- can go update it yourself. I will be setting a few rules though.

1) Absolutely NO LEMON

2)Send it through PM, not reviews. I'll give you credit.

3)Write a question of some kind to determine who will write the next chapter.

So, I will occasionally update to keep this in order or to make new rules.

The one who will write the next chapter needs to get one of these questions right for this chapter (not exactly questions, but...yeah)

1) The significance of September 12 to the story

2) Identify the Call of Duty reference in this chapter

Send your answer to my questions through PM along with your new chapter, your question(s), and the answers to your question.

If you answer correctly, I will update this story with the chapter you wrote. If many people send me an entry at once (I doubt it), then I'll choose the one I like best.

Review, por favor :)


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